


Gone.

by sourytears



Category: Original Work
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, F/F, Female Characters, Female Friendship, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 11:58:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13926690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourytears/pseuds/sourytears
Summary: I wish I had told her what she made me feel.





	Gone.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My lifetime love.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+lifetime+love.).



We were classmates and neighbors, my dad used to pick us at my grandmother’s house on weekends and take us to my house with mom and my brother.

Sometime when my dad drank alcohol and went home to fight with mom, when dad punched my mom in front of my brother and me, I tried to intervene because I didn’t want to see mom being violently attacked. At the next day mom discharged yelling at me. Domestic violence was commoner then people think it is.

Sometimes when people bullied me, I caged myself and cried, I could hear her voice calling my name, but that wouldn’t make me leave my hidden place under the stairs, that would only make me embrace myself harder. I was a fragile girl, I could be hurt so easily. When she found me she hugged me, comforted me with sweet words and she’d pet me until I fall asleep.

She was bullied, multiple illness such as insomnia, anemia and many others. She’s family was dysfunctional and ended up being everyone’s discharging point, counted on her grandma and dad only. She carried so many problems on which simply couldn’t tell anybody else than me.

Said had never met someone who became this special for her as I did.

Her life was difficult, mine wasn’t.

That is why I liked to invite her to sleep at my house, so she could escape from everything, for see her fall asleep and her smiling face being the first thing I saw in mornings.

Wish I could’ve done more for her.

— _I like girls._ — told me one day when we were drinking hot cocoa in the bed.

The next time we would hang out and she was undressing in front of me besides closet, I couldn’t stop watching her from my sat in the bed. That was when I realized I like girls too.

Not _girls_ , more like her. I was in love with her.

My love was bigger than I could express.

Even now when I see heart after so long, I feel my heart pump so strong in my chest, she fulfills me with happiness.

Eventually we finished school, I moved to go to university, we kept in touch, even she went pick me up after class, nevertheless in the end we ended up separating. We meet new people, grow up, and all those excuses they say.

I kept holding on to her, didn’t want to accept it was no longer the same. Until the day she passed by my side laughing and chatting with other people, totally ignoring me, so I supposed she didn’t need me anymore, after all the only thing I was able to once give her was simply company.

Is not a novel, there is no tragic ending where some of the two dies or a happy one where we fell in love and stay together forever, this is reality and simply there was nothing between us.

I never told anyone that I felt in love with my best friend. My mom would’ve gone crazy and prohibited me see her, would take away from her by force, thus I hidden my feelings from everyone, including her.

I wish I had confess.

I wasn’t able to have a relationship with anybody, I didn’t feel it was right being with someone who I didn’t love, someone who couldn’t make me happy.

Two years later when I decided I was being an idiot and I should search for her again it was late.

She was pregnant.

The sensation of panic what invaded me sent me to my mother arms in search of confort. I was destroyed without can say a word.

She would have a baby with a jobless man, someone who visibly didn’t love her enough. She built up a family and seem happy about it, complete.

When she gave birth her daughter was as precious as she was, basing on the photos I saw, it was impossible to love such a cute little creature.

I would’ve liked to meet her baby. I also would’ve liked to say what she made me feel.

I was destroying myself.

I though left the town would be the best, leave all that tied us together behind. All except for the memory of hers, which would endures in my mind forever.

It had not to be so complicated, it was me who made it complicated.

She didn’t kick me out of her life. I decided to leave because I didn’t want to be hurt. Not by her, she would never hurt me in purpose, but because of myself.

Because one thousand years could pass on, but there would be me, constantly seeking into her profile instead of messaging to know how was she, liking her mother’s profile photo, but overall loving her more and more, even if she had a family now, even if technically, and technically only, I was no longer part of her life, I would be still loving her.

I would always do.

**Author's Note:**

> amateur.  
> find my works on wattpad as sourytears


End file.
